im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
