I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
