Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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