like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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