Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
