I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
They are going to name an STD after you.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
