I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
