Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
