I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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