Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
