You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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