I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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