Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
