I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
