so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
