that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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