no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Randomize
