Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
