she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
