hotel room ftw
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
