i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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