White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
