I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
