So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
