Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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