You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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