He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
