I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
