I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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