just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
