i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
