when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
