I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
