So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
