Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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