You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he thought i was a dude.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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