when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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