He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
