I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
