My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
