I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
