Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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