My nipple is on Facebook.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
