She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
