I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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