doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
