you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
