She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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