I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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