im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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