Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
