oh god the rape fog is back!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
