yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
