I want to have your abortion
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
