I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
